I'm prepared for death

I'm doing shit load of cardio and one powerlifting workout a week. For my cardio it's 3 minute intervals of high pumps and high knees HH, light dumbbell swings overhead and vertical lifts. I do this for 30 minutes 5 days a week. On Friday I do a 3x3 workout with squats, bench and deads but I only do singles on the deads. I like it and really go balls out on Friday. The cardio has me feeling good.

Other than that I'm still living a life of quiet desperation, trying to enjoy myself, when in reality I'm really out on the proverbial ledge. I'm living a dual life. During the day it's work, kids and training. At night its bars, weed and chicks half my age. I don't sleep. Maybe a few hours a nights. On the weekend I might get a nap or two. Fortunately I don't drink all that much. I do smoke a lot of weed, maybe too much. My diet is garbage.

Here's the thing. I don't give a fuck anymore. I'll be lucky to make it out of my 50s. I live too hard and never get any reprieve. A stroke or a massive heart attack are probably in my future. I can only hope I die quick. In the event of an early death my kids will be well provide for. They will be well off. I've gone overboard on life insurance always knowing I would not live long. This isn't some suicide thing, its just acceptance. Keep your fucking advice to yourself.

This isn't some depression thing. I'm not depressed. It's actually quiet liberating. Unlike most of you I have simply embraced my own mortality. I want to be known as a guy that can work a 10 hour day, deadlift 500, drink a bottle of bourbon and bang some young chick, all in  a 24 hour period. I don't want to be a spry old man. I don't want to eat vegetables and power walk. I don't want to check my blood pressure or have invasive procedures done up my ass.

The world means well but I just don't care and I'm happy with it. At least I'll be a good looking corpse at my wake.