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Monday, July 28, 2014

What is exercise?

There are several people around here that need correcting. Listen to me. Exercise is all about technique and alignment and breath. It's not about puking blood or destroying your shoulders or sloppily hoisting up a weight or throwing a shitty windmill punch. It's not about going for it or just doing it or some other bullshit slogan you got from a sneaker commercial, a Gatorade ad or some douchebag of a couch you had in high school.

This blog is devoted solely to health and wellness without acting like some monastic douche that won't eat a slice of pizza out of some body image/eating disorder psychosis. This blog is NOT about vanity or ego. I don't care about your little games, your pajama sports, your Bruce Lee bullshit or any of that other crap. Balls and bats and all that stuff is for kids not adults. You had your chance and you either blew it or you pussed out. Face facts, you were afraid to get tackled or punched in the face or run that race. You were too lazy and had all kinds of excuses about what you were going to do before you hit 25 but that ship came and went.

Now you’re just a pudgy, bloated washed out loser with a double chin and a 40 inch waist. Stop deluding yourself that you are onto some sort of athletic greatness at age 40 or whatever. You’re done. You’re not the man you thought you would be. Maybe you could have been a contender. Maybe you could have been somebody but now you’re just a bum. That’s right a bum. You grind it out on your leather ass in some insignificant job with some insignificant company selling some insignificant product. You’re bald or at least balding. No one finds you attractive or interesting or much of anything for that matter. If you have kids they think you’re a joke. You’re wife left you or she’s on her way to leaving you. What does it matter anyway? That sweet girl that you once lusted after so much is now a lard ass pig. In a way you knew she was a bitch back in those old days but oh my did she have some tits and ass to die for. Now all that’s left is a bitch. There’s not a dessert or pastry that she won’t shove down he pie hole. She takes out all her insecurities, crushed dreams and smothered hopes on you.  

The only thing keeping you going is hitching your wagon on pipe dreams. What’s that? Oh, you’re going low carb or is it Paleo? It won’t matter if you binge on Oreo cookies. The results will be the same. You’ll still look like shit. You’ll blame it on genes, some fairy tale metabolic disorder, food allergies, gluten, dairy, GMOs, high fructose corn syrup, carrots, fruit, ad infinitum.

In essence you’re loser like millions upon millions of other losers that live lives of quiet desperation. If you lucky you have like 10 or 20 years left. At the rate you going the last 5-10 will be miserable. One thing after another is going to give in on you after a lifetime of abuse and excess. Well at least you can work out still right? Wrong. Part of that abuse was the way you “trained” your body. You treated it like the enemy. No pain no gain. Maybe you were stupid enough to do Crossfit and now you can’t do water aerobics without pain. Well didn’t I warn you? Didn’t I tell you to stop being such a douche? And what did you do? You mocked me? You called me a pussy and discounted my wisdom. Oh if I only would have listened to Rant when I had the fucking chance.  Rant was an asshole but I’ll be damned if he wasn’t right all along and look at how Rant is still going strong. How does he do it? He must have good genes. Why didn’t I listen to Rant?

Is it too late? Probably. So go back to your third apple fritter and your diet soda you fucking loser. Run off to IGX where people that use to workout now all congregate to talk about Bruce Lee or start threads with pictures of boobies of whatever. Maybe someone might want to hear yet another comment about Crossfit on the Couch thread. Maybe Shaf has more dietary advice that he’s never followed.

What’s that about Art DeVany? Yeah he’s washed up as well. Had a full hip replacement after decades of sport’s and workout abuse. I guess all that leaping around on big boulder in between sets of lat pull downs took its toll. Tell me again Art how is your deteriorated body any different than the joggers that you so despise? Are you still charging money for your bullshit? Can I get your advice on the best walkers on the market today? LOL!

Long ago I gave up on anyone taking my advice seriously. Like many great men I will not be fully appreciated until well after I’m gone. So go ahead and do whatever bullshit it is that you like but don’t try and tell me what exercise is and isn’t. I don’t want to hear it. I’ve solved it. I’ve figured it out. Yes I’m still doing S&S but I could be doing 100s of other routines as long as I remember that exercise is joint mobility, breathing, alignment, proper form and stretching. Pounding, smashing and grinding are for loser. People doing well with these routines are doing well in spite of their routines not because of them. You don’t get it and you never will because you’re quite frankly not bright enough.

Friday, July 25, 2014

How to do S&S

Well it’s been 34 days of nothing but S&S. I like it and really am not all that bored by it because it is so brief. I don’t time my workouts at all. I’m not even aware of the time and don’t look at the clock. This is the best way to workout. I would say that on average the whole things with warm ups and stretches takes roughly 30 minutes. Yesterday the whole thing took about 20 minutes. Sometimes it takes longer but timing is not the point.  In essence S&S could be considered hatha yoga. I know that’s the way I look at it. It’s a practice not a “workout”. This is not capitalism nor is it war or even sports.  So I am dropping those sorts of terms. Testing myself is fine from time to time but I will not sabotage my practice for the sake of some arbitrary number that is meaningless.

The body and the mind lie all the time. I first became cognizant of this when I did Jon Broz daily squat program. There were days when I simply thought it would be impossible to squat anymore so I would go very light and then end up hitting a max. The body and mind just seek comfort but sometimes it is just necessity to intentional seek out discomfort. This is not some stupid shit where you push till you puke. Anyone that does this has lost touch with reality. Training till you puke or just collapse is nothing but giving into ego. This is not about ego other than keeping ego in check.

Here’s a prime example of how the ego interferes with the practice. This chick is TGUing with a 40kg. I suppose that’s a lot of weight for a chick but so what?

She is not doing a TGU anymore that this guy is doing a bench press.

Their egos are taking over making it impossible for them to gauge what they need. If I were this chick’s trainer I would have terminated the set the second that her planted right foot came off the floor. That foot should be glued to the floor. If it’s not then you’re just finessing the weight up through a sticking point that you can’t handle.  So I’m not I the least impressed with this bogs lift. This girl should go back to the 24kg or maybe the 16kg and report back to us with the results when she learns proper technique. No one is impressed but douchebags.

Here’s another one. Pure rubbish and all ego.

 I find it interesting that it’s usually chicks doing these sorts of ego lifts. Not sure what they are trying to prove other than what not to do. Now I will be the first to admit that the Grey Cook approach to the TGU is over-fucking-kill. You don’t need to get too manical about this. Your body already knows the movement. You just need to connect it and stay under control. Feet flailing all over the joint is mean you need to at least cut the weight in half or maybe just use a soup can for awhile until you learn correct form.

The hard style swing is also hatha yoga and the form is very specific. Once again no need to get overly analytical but watch the ego. It’s not about the weight. It’s about the hinge, the hip snap and tense glutes.

Here’s lousy form on the swing. Yeah I know this I Bud Jeffries and I have a lot of respect for Bud Jeffries but I have no idea what Bud Jeffries is doing here. Yeah it’s a lot of weight but his range of motion is too limited. The glove thing I could care less about.

Here’s a proper HS swing. As a matter of fact follow some of her other videos. She displays very good for and expresses real strength by using proper and controlled for. No flailing around for his girl.

Monday, July 21, 2014

S&S and Gaza.

Give or take a day this will be 30 days of Simple & Sinister. I have taken one day off. The last few days are a prime example of the waves within the program. On Friday I did the whole workout with the 24kg which was fine. Saturday I felt good and after 2 sets of swing with the 32kg I did the rest of the workout with the 40kg. Sunday I felt tired so I did the swings with the 24kg. The TGUs were done with the 40kg. I’m still doing either pushups or V-ups in between sets of swings to keep things interesting.

I am still doing the program to the letter in terms of the 3 warm up exercises and the 2 stretching exercises at the end. They are just as important if not more important than the swings and the TGUs. Based on the comments I see a lot of you are jealous and disappointed that Rant is staying with S&S. At the very least you want me to switch programs or to start renouncing kettlebells as bullshit and Pavel as a fraud. Not gonna happen. If I find something that works then it works. ETK was another program that worked. Other than that I’m not that big of other kettlebells routines. I was the OTW routines. It s like watching paint dry as someone slowly pries off your fingernails.

My diet still sucks on and off. I’ll go a few days eating steaks, green beans and mushrooms as my staple and I can feel myself leaning out. Then I go on a pizza binge and wash it down with a few beers. Whatever. I’m done freaking out over shit that doesn’t much matter. At least Rant is generally on the right path. Diet is a fucked up thing.

This weekend Rant hosted a block party. Good times. Love getting people to let their hair down for a few hours and just enjoy life. We have lost the ability to relax. This plays a huge role in our fat and unhealthy society in my opinion. People are stressed for the sake of being stressed. If you’re not stressed you’re not doing enough so you get stressed about not doing enough.

In any event it was a success but once again it proved to Rant what a bust out over drinking can be. Give people a few drinks and they lighten up and have a good time. Give them a few more drinks and they get a bit sloppy and annoying.  A few more drinks and then you have a hot mess on your hands. We had a tie for the Hot Mess Award and they both involved chicks acting like drunk sluts. The next day everyone looked more or less like shit.

Rant was fine because he basically stuck with a joint that he puffed on here and there. I had a few Blue Moons that were pretty good but that’s about it. I don’t advocate prohibiting alcohol but I find it funny that we are still debating about legalizing weed when it is so clear that weed is benign in comparison to alcohol. Doesn’t really make a lot of sense. I was thinking what the block party would have looked like if we replaced all the beer with weed.  In some ways it would have been better but who knows. Some people tend to bug out when they smoke weed. Of course those are the same ass hats that end up winning the Hot Mess Awards.

Speaking of hot mess what the fuck is up with the situation in Gaza? All 100 US Senators have endorsed the continuing genocide of the Palestinian people using weapons that Israel bought using our foreign aid. Ironic that these same 100 senators have denounced Russian over their role in that passenger plane that was shot down last week.  Russia provided the weapons, the training and maybe some money. I’m trying to get my head around this but aren’t we doing the same thing with Israel? And isn’t Israel killing far more civilians? The Israelis refer to this as mowing the lawn. Israel is systematically trying to starve Palestinians in Gaza. They are deprived of the most basic human rights and have been dehumanized as less than animals by Israel. When they strike back Israel slaughters a bunch of kids playing on the beach. Funny that the Jews said they were targeting Hamas.  These boys weren’t Hamas and Hamas was not using them as human shields which is all a bunch of Jew concocted propaganda designed to further dehumanize the Palestinians. Then Israel and Egypt call a cease fire and fail to invite Hamas to the table because they don’t negotiate with “terrorist”.  Shows how serious Israel is about a cease fire, the fascist bastards that they are. 

Thursday, July 17, 2014

S&S update.

OK douchebags here’s you update. Kettlebells are in. Barbells are out. The puffy look is dead. S&S is money. One thing I am learning is that the weight is not all that important as long as you have enough resistance and you do the moves properly. I can do the 40kg but after awhile it beats me up. I can do the 24kg everyday at anytime. It provides just enough resistance to accomplish my goals.

I realize you blockheads and dildos will have a hard time conceptualizing this with you charts, graphs and linear progressions.  It’s about the movement not the weight or the minutes or any of that crap. S&S in  a lot of ways is yoga.  Another way to look at it would be some sort of manual labor like chop wood. The wood is generally always the same and you put in the force you need to chop the wood. Day after day the work accumulates into improved fitness and an ability to express this level of fitness at any time. Every once and awhile you deal with something a little more difficult like a harder wood or a really thick piece of wood but generally you are doing the same thing every day.

This is exactly how I am structuring my practice. I am confident I could do a workout with the 48kg right through but doing it day after day would be too much and I would end up with all sort of gay overuse injuries that the vast majority of you are plagued with. Unlike you I am not quite so stupid. I can check my ego and use a lower weight most of the time with an occasional bump up to the 32kg through the 48kg to test myself.  This where it’s at people. Daily work with a moderate weight builds that functional body that you desire. Unlike manual labor you can control the time to get the most out of it. If you chop wood 8 hours a day you will eventually end up with at least tendonitis or worse. With S&S I get all the benefits without any of the pitfalls of manual labor.

These principles can surely be used with dumbbells, barbells or anything else for that matter. Sadly most lifters are cunts or worse Crossfitters that think pounding the fuck out of your body is going to bring you to fitness Nirvana.  It won’t. It will only destroy your body in the long term. Trust me on this. In know a lot more than most of you ever will. I am a prime example of doing it the right way at least when it comes to working out. But go ahead and take the advice of a broken down, fat and out of shape alcoholic with a Napoleon complex. No wonder why his wife ditched his ass. I bet his kid hates him too.  There are some things that money can’t buy.

I order to spice things up a bit I have been doing either 10 pushups or 10 V ups in between my sets of swings. At the end of my workout I do 3 rounds on the heavy bag to keep my combinations crisp. The bag part is optional. I don’t squat. I don’t deadlift. I don’t press. I don’t need these things. If you do that’s fine. I don’t particularly care what most of you do anyway. I’m totally indifferent which is the polar opposite of love. Hate requires a certain level of caring.

Monday, July 14, 2014

Cannabinoids are your friends.

This weekend Rant was up in Vermont at this commune run camp ground. Good times. Good times. Rant brought his kettlebell and gave a little seminar to a few lesbians I met up there that were trying to shape up. One was overweigh the other was under weight. I even gave them a 12kg bell out of the goodness of my heart. I wasn’t using it anyway and thought it would be good karma.  Even though I grew up during the time when being a homosexual was frowned upon I still never had a hang up about homosexuals. Whatever. What? Am I gonna change their lifestyle? These chicks were actually pretty cool people that adopted a couple of little girls that were taken away from some slut junkie. Even though the kids are little they already have baggage. I realize I’m not the perfect father but damn some motherfuckers don’t care whose life they destroy and spare me this disease shit. Junkies are selfish assholes and pieces of shit. They will play the disease myth for all its worth and will take down hundreds of people with them. Hate junkies.

Also hate drunks. I really do in spite of my history. I was socializing with another couple and this chick’s blockhead of a husband was going on and on about how, “I don’t smoke that shit and don’t see how anyone can”. Meanwhile I’m toking up with his wife. This dude was a self righteous drunk. He was all puffed out and swollen. His face was beat red. He was a mess but boy was he proud of himself that he didn’t smoke “that shit”.  I blew smoke in his face and laughed at the fat asshole.

It’s amazing that in this day and age people still have such outdated notions about marijuana.  If you have ever smoked you know what I’m talking about. Sure some people have bad experiences on weed or they just don’t like it and that’s fine. At worst weed is a neutral substance. At best it’s a health enhancer. I think that is the direction the studies are going. There are a lot of benefits that are starting to come out. Sadly the federal government and a handful of religious lunatics like people in AA that are vehemently opposed to anyone smoking weed for any reason are standing in the way of more meaningful research. They would rather people suffer from MS or cancer before allowing them to smoke weed for fear that it might make them feel good. God forbid.  And we all know how puritanical, Victorian and hopelessly capitalistic people in this nation are about having a good time.  I was listing to conversations this weekend and it was like a competition about who was busier and had their kids involved in all this shit that most kids hate anyway. I even saw this commercial recently with 2 soccer moms trying to one up each other over who had a more hectic schedule. It was so outrageously insane I can’t even remember what the product was. What was nuts about it was that these characters were being used as characters that the consumer could relate to.  It’s like, “Yeah I’m a cunt like those two bitches. I’ll but product X too.”  Frightening.

Rant doesn’t have any serious health problems but Rant certainly has seen multiple benefits to regular weed smoking. The biggest one is the anti-inflammatory effect from cannabinoids. Follower on the Moynihan Institute will well remember Rant’s constant aches and pains from training.  Something was always hurting me. When was the last time you heard Rant bitching about this or that hurting? Huh? See what I mean? Weed aids recovery. Ask all the MMA, NFL, NHL and NBA guys that smoke weed daily to deal with the trauma they put their bodies through. They would laugh in your face if you suggested that weed hurt their game and bodies.

Just as beneficial is the effect that cannabinoids have on Rant’s mental condition. I don’t think I’ll ever be antidepressant free but right now I am taking subminimum doses and feeling great. My Mass General shrink says that there is no doubt in his mind that it’s the cannabinoids. We even dropped a med for awhile to see what effect that would have but decided that I better off on it until this dipshit state finally gets the dispensaries up and running so Rant can choose the right weed for his situation.

Incidentally for decades Rant has always thought that any medical effect of cannabinoids was just stoner bullshit excuses for getting baked and it still is for many people but the evidence is piling up in favor of the benefits of weed. It can’t really be denied anymore. This is great news all around for both stoners and people looking for relive from debilitating pain.

So in my opinion there’s nothing at all wrong with daily weed smoking depending on the extent of it. I haven’t done the wake and bake thing in years but I would say all day weed smoking everyday is pretty fucked up from the perspective of getting anything done.  I mean if you are in chronic pain then smoking grass has to be better than loading up on opioids that are highly addictive and pretty much knock you on your ass. And I would also guess that if you had the free time there’s nothing wrong with wake and baking from time to time. Back in the 80s when Rant was at Kent State he and his roommates would wake up on Saturday mornings and do bong rips while watching Pee Wee’s Playhouse with that pervert Pee Wee Herman. That was some funny shit.

Now if you want a substance to demonize then look no further than booze. I like a drink or two after a joint but that’s about it. Anymore is just disgusting.  It’s a bunch of empty calories, makes you sloppy and dull and the next day you feel like shit if you went overboard. If I smoke three joints as opposed to my normal one or two I don’t feel any different. Say what you want. Call me a stoner but those are the facts.

Oh and let’s talk about conditioning.  You want to be in shitty shape then booze it up. All that sugar in booze in bad for you all around and boozers always look puffy and bloated. I’m in better shape now as a stoner that I ever was when I was 100% straight edged. That’s just a fact.