There are several people around here that need correcting. Listen to me. Exercise is all about technique and alignment and breath. It's not about puking blood or destroying your shoulders or sloppily hoisting up a weight or throwing a shitty windmill punch. It's not about going for it or just doing it or some other bullshit slogan you got from a sneaker commercial, a Gatorade ad or some douchebag of a couch you had in high school.
This blog is devoted solely to health and wellness without acting like some monastic douche that won't eat a slice of pizza out of some body image/eating disorder psychosis. This blog is NOT about vanity or ego. I don't care about your little games, your pajama sports, your Bruce Lee bullshit or any of that other crap. Balls and bats and all that stuff is for kids not adults. You had your chance and you either blew it or you pussed out. Face facts, you were afraid to get tackled or punched in the face or run that race. You were too lazy and had all kinds of excuses about what you were going to do before you hit 25 but that ship came and went.
Now you’re just a pudgy, bloated washed out loser with a double chin and a 40 inch waist. Stop deluding yourself that you are onto some sort of athletic greatness at age 40 or whatever. You’re done. You’re not the man you thought you would be. Maybe you could have been a contender. Maybe you could have been somebody but now you’re just a bum. That’s right a bum. You grind it out on your leather ass in some insignificant job with some insignificant company selling some insignificant product. You’re bald or at least balding. No one finds you attractive or interesting or much of anything for that matter. If you have kids they think you’re a joke. You’re wife left you or she’s on her way to leaving you. What does it matter anyway? That sweet girl that you once lusted after so much is now a lard ass pig. In a way you knew she was a bitch back in those old days but oh my did she have some tits and ass to die for. Now all that’s left is a bitch. There’s not a dessert or pastry that she won’t shove down he pie hole. She takes out all her insecurities, crushed dreams and smothered hopes on you.
The only thing keeping you going is hitching your wagon on pipe dreams. What’s that? Oh, you’re going low carb or is it Paleo? It won’t matter if you binge on Oreo cookies. The results will be the same. You’ll still look like shit. You’ll blame it on genes, some fairy tale metabolic disorder, food allergies, gluten, dairy, GMOs, high fructose corn syrup, carrots, fruit, ad infinitum.
In essence you’re loser like millions upon millions of other losers that live lives of quiet desperation. If you lucky you have like 10 or 20 years left. At the rate you going the last 5-10 will be miserable. One thing after another is going to give in on you after a lifetime of abuse and excess. Well at least you can work out still right? Wrong. Part of that abuse was the way you “trained” your body. You treated it like the enemy. No pain no gain. Maybe you were stupid enough to do Crossfit and now you can’t do water aerobics without pain. Well didn’t I warn you? Didn’t I tell you to stop being such a douche? And what did you do? You mocked me? You called me a pussy and discounted my wisdom. Oh if I only would have listened to Rant when I had the fucking chance. Rant was an asshole but I’ll be damned if he wasn’t right all along and look at how Rant is still going strong. How does he do it? He must have good genes. Why didn’t I listen to Rant?
Is it too late? Probably. So go back to your third apple fritter and your diet soda you fucking loser. Run off to IGX where people that use to workout now all congregate to talk about Bruce Lee or start threads with pictures of boobies of whatever. Maybe someone might want to hear yet another comment about Crossfit on the Couch thread. Maybe Shaf has more dietary advice that he’s never followed.
What’s that about Art DeVany? Yeah he’s washed up as well. Had a full hip replacement after decades of sport’s and workout abuse. I guess all that leaping around on big boulder in between sets of lat pull downs took its toll. Tell me again Art how is your deteriorated body any different than the joggers that you so despise? Are you still charging money for your bullshit? Can I get your advice on the best walkers on the market today? LOL!
Long ago I gave up on anyone taking my advice seriously. Like many great men I will not be fully appreciated until well after I’m gone. So go ahead and do whatever bullshit it is that you like but don’t try and tell me what exercise is and isn’t. I don’t want to hear it. I’ve solved it. I’ve figured it out. Yes I’m still doing S&S but I could be doing 100s of other routines as long as I remember that exercise is joint mobility, breathing, alignment, proper form and stretching. Pounding, smashing and grinding are for loser. People doing well with these routines are doing well in spite of their routines not because of them. You don’t get it and you never will because you’re quite frankly not bright enough.