What is it about a simple cold that makes you want to string yourself up to the rafters and have your worst enemy kick the ladder out from underneath you? I mean it’s just a fucking cold right? And why is a summer cold worse? Colds are bullshit. If I have to feel like shit I want something more interesting than a fucking cold. Colds just piss me off.
So I decided to be proactive. Now for years I have been hearing dipshits sing the praises of vitamin C. Vitamin C flush this. Vitamin C flush that. Personally I never put any stock into it. The way I figure it is if it really cured a cold why wouldn’t people be using it? It just never made any sense. I‘d rather suffer then take a bunch of vitamin C and get rid of the cold? Not fucking likely.
Now I take C anyway so I figured what the fuck let’s do a C flush. The whole idea behind the C flush is that once the cold comes on you take 8 grams of C every 20 minutes until bowel tolerance is hit. Now you are supposed to do it the second the cold starts coming on which already leads me to believe its bullshit. It’s like AA. You drank again? Well you must not have worked the steps. The C flush didn’t work? Oh well you didn’t take it soon enough. Fuck that. It either works or it doesn’t. All these little caveats are thrown in there by cunts that want to believe in fairy tales like Crossfitters and assholes that run barefoot.
Still I decided it’s worth a shot since the body just expels excess C. No harm. No foul. I was already into the cold one day when I started yesterday so already I am behind the 8 ball with the Linus Pauling faith healers that will surely blame me for not starting C soon enough. Well fuck them. I dosed 8 grams of C every 20 minutes yesterday until I hit 45 grams of C. Then came the fun part. Yeah that’s right. My stomach bloated like Jimmy Moore on one of his meat and cheese cruises. Holy shit. That was right up there with food poisoning shits.
I surely capped my bowel tolerance and for the rest of the day I felt even worse because now instead of just a cold I had stomach distress. But according to the holy books I did it all correctly. I dosed until I flushed. Sorry to be crude but this calls for shitting until you are shitting nothing but clear fluid which they say is lymph drainage or some sort of detox. Well that sure as shit happened and it sucked. Rant has always had a cast iron stomach. I can eat fried food and guzzle beer without as much as a belch. This was unfamiliar territory for Rant.
Anyway after a while I was all flushed out. I went home from work and went straight to bed. Normally with a nose and throat cold I can work out and all that shit but not after that C flush. I curled up in a ball and slept till 6:00 am. How did I feel when I woke up? That’s right. I felt awful. I feel even worse today but I am not giving up yet if only just to prove what a load of shit the Vitamin C flush is. I just took 5 grams of C. They say to take your bowel tolerance limit from the day before and do 75% the next day. This calls for 33 grams of C in my case. I highly doubt I will go that high because I couldn’t take another flush. Something tells me that plenty of dumb assholes end up severally dehydrated as a result of the C flush. Shitting pure fluid is never a good sign. It means the body is in distress.
Despite all that I still want to stay the course another day. Normally a cold lasts 7-10 days or longer. This will be day 3. If I wake up tomorrow feeling better then I will be sold. After that I have to question the effectiveness of the C flush in light of the severe stomach distress that comes along with it. Already I can taste reflux from the 5 grams of C I just took. The good news so far is that I see no signs of an infection. I am just seeing clear discharge from my nose and throat.
In other news I went to the cannabis forums to see if they had any insight on colds and guess what? That’s right. Apparently weed cures colds. Who knew? Is there anything weed doesn’t cure? I mean seriously. These fuckers think weed is the answer for everything from the common cold, to cancer, to ending world poverty. So I figured what the fuck and had about 4 or 5 hits last night. It didn’t do a fucking thing for my cold but it sure made me feel better and fall back asleep. It felt better than that motherfucking C flush that’s for sure. However weed ain’t curing shit plain and simple. Unless you think killing brain cells means curing. Is it any wonder why everyone hates stoners? And I’m pretty fucking sure the same goes for the C flush. We’ll see but I doubt it will cure my cold unless of course curing means having the shits.